5 Ways for Parents to Thrive

Don’t you wish there was a foolproof guidebook for those tricky parenting moments? When I discovered I was pregnant, I read all the books and I thought I was ready, but I had no idea what a roller coaster experience I was going to have. I remember telling the doctor that I couldn’t get my daughter on a schedule. He tried not to laugh while he told me that babies make their own schedules. That was only the beginning of figuring everything out along the way.

Most days I thought I was doing a terrible job, I was terrified that my daughter would not survive my attempts at parenting, and I compared myself to those women who were impeccably dressed while I usually had spit up on my shoulder. Those women seemed to handle parenting with ease and elegance while I could barely remember my name as I stumbled around in a sleep deprived daze.

I wish someone would have given me a hug and told me it would be okay. I’m here to tell that today to anyone who needs to hear it. Here are five basic rules of parenting that will make your life easier.

• United we stand and consistency. Children can smell the weak link a mile away, so if you are parenting with a partner work together not separately. Your child will try to play you against each other, so a united front is crucial. Decide together what consequences are appropriate and stick to that decision. This technique will continue no matter how old your child is. I’ll give you an example. My adult nephew came to stay with us while he went to school for his masters. The first night he came, he caused an uproar that was not acceptable for us. Before I went to talk to him, I went to my husband’s office to make sure we were on the same page. We both agreed on the consequences and when I went to talk to him, I threw in standing at his door in silence while giving him the stank look.

 If you are a single parent, discipline the same way consistently, so your child knows what to expect. When my children were younger, I rarely had to tell them what the punishment was. They would say, “I know. I’m grounded.”

• Teach them that actions have consequences. One of my hardest disciplinary decisions was when my daughter partied her way through her first year of college and ended up on academic probation. When she finished her fourth year, I told her I had promised to pay for four years, so she could pay for the fifth. She told me later that my decision had been a good lesson, but it was rough on my emotions.

• Stay calm. This one was hard for me and I’m ashamed to say I did a lot of yelling, but eventually I realized that everything went much better when I was the calm in the eye of the storm. Instead of allowing your emotions to take over, take a deep breath, decide what you can control and let go of the rest.

• Always have a plan b. If you asked me what qualities does a parent need to survive, I would say a good sense of humor, kindness, creativity, resiliency, and flexibility. There will be so many times when you have everything planned perfectly, and then you watch those plans all dissolve in chaos. Be ready to pivot!

• Keep everyone fed and rested. I’m talking about you too. Parenting is hard work, so you need to be properly fueled. Carry snacks with you. Even during our last trip, my 39-year-old daughter said, “Mom, what do you have for snacks.”