No one prepares you for the guilt you will feel as a parent. Of course, parenting comes with plenty of responsibilities, but most of the guilt you feel is unnecessary. Let me give you a few examples.
My son was born with a bleeding blood vessel on his brain. We had the choice of an operation when he was a week old that would fix the vessel, or not doing the operation and risking that he would be impaired mentally. There was a 50% chance he would not survive the operation, but I felt I needed to do what was best for him for the long term. I felt guilty because I thought I might have caused the problem because I continued to run during my pregnancy. I also felt guilty about all the tests he had to undergo. I had to pump instead of breastfeeding him because he was in an incubator for 2 weeks. I was convinced the whole situation was my fault, but in retrospect I realize I was wrong. It was a devastating time emotionally, and guilt on top of worry made everything worse.
Any time my children had an issue at school, I found a way to feel guilty because there must have been something I could have done better. I should have realized my children always needed to take responsibilities for their actions. We can do our best to teach them right and wrong, but then we have to monitor and pray.
There are so many other unfounded examples of guilt. You wonder if you do enough for your child, but you don’t want to enable them. Are you pushing them enough or too much? Parenting can be a mine field for guilt. So, what can you do to calm those feelings? Here are a few ideas.
Keep telling yourself you are doing your best.
Talk to other parents. Sharing stories will validate your abilities as a parent.
Learn to laugh at minor parental fails.
Ask for help.
Don’t let the little cherubs play you.
Remember what you did right.
Don’t compare yourself to other parents.
Parenting doesn’t come with a guidebook, you have to figure it out as you go, and do your best to make good memories.
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